Self-Worth: Under Construction

6/23/25

Jun 23, 2025

What is Self-Worth?

Worthiness is an intrinsic property of being a living human being. You cannot change this already-present aspect of yourself. Unfortunately, most of us don’t recognize this unique quality about ourselves, and we tend to bury it under childhood memories of being bullied, or the criticisms of our parents or teachers. What we learn as “truths” in childhood, we tend to continue to believe as adults.

“True abundance isn’t based on our net worth, it’s based on your self-worth.”

— Gabrielle Bernstein

Your self-worth is the value you place on yourself, regardless of your achievements or the fickle opinions of others. It is the overarching opinion you have of yourself. It determines how much love and respect you think you deserve, and how much you feel like you belong in the world or your community. It’s the belief that you inherently deserve the things you want in life – a feeling of deserved abundance. Self-worth is:

Intrinsic to being human (You are always “good enough”)
Unconditional love (It doesn’t matter what you accomplish in life, how much money you earn, or how many people like you)
Self-Accepting (It doesn’t matter what you look like, how much you weigh, or how smart you are)

But you may be asking yourself, “If self-worth is inherent in being human, why don’t I feel it? Why do I feel so unworthy?”

Causes of Unworthiness (i.e., What Needs Healing)

If you have low (or non-existent) self-worth, you generally have a negative opinion of yourself, tend to judge or criticize yourself, and you focus on your flaws and things you don’t like about yourself. You generally downplay your abilities and good qualities. When someone compliments your appearance or skills you instantly dismiss them. You also hyperfocus on your mistakes and constantly compare yourself to others. All of these are signs that you have low self-worth.

There are numerous reasons we may have self-worth issues, and most of them likely stem from childhood. Many of us, especially empaths and lightworkers, are highly sensitive, especially as children. We didn’t have the skills yet to discern the truth of what we were being told. And we took every criticism and look of disappointment directly to heart. As a result, many of us have sought validation and worth from others, or from external achievements, leading to conditional self-worth that is constantly in flux.

Regardless of what happened to us as children, the key to gaining self-worth is to not only forgive ourselves for believing the non-truths, but also to forgive those who, most likely unwittingly, generated the feelings of worthlessness.

Remember, we are in control of our own self-worth. You can break the cycle of hurtful, mean thoughts about yourself. Beginning with yourself, you can change the story of worthlessness and start to believe in your own intrinsic value. Gradually, you will begin to realize that you can actually like yourself, and eventually, even begin to love yourself!

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

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One of my clients, who has had difficulty walking due to one of her required medications, reported great improvement in her pain and stability after each of our sessions. I’m looking forward to continued improvement in her walking in the future!

Spiritual Practice: Journal Prompts

Understanding Your Sense of Self-Worth

Identifying Root Cause

At this moment, where do you place your value? What aspects of yourself do you value?
Do you place your value in external achievements? i.e., How much money you have, the house you live in, the job you have, etc.
What words would you use to describe yourself? Are those words generally positive, balanced, or negative?
Where do your messages around your worth come from? Identify any critical or judgmental parental/authority figures from your childhood and the feelings they brought up in you.
As a child, were you generally praised for your efforts despite achievement or success? Did you receive punishment or disapproval for under-achieving?
Do you identify with any of the following behaviors?
- In school or work, you avoid challenges and achieve less
- In personal relationships, you become distressed by criticism/disapproval
- You tend to bend over backwards to please others
- You are (or were) extremely shy or self-conscious
- You avoid intimacy, vulnerability, or social contact
- You identify as a perfectionist to avoid criticism or being “wrong”
- You consistently overexert yourself or take on too many responsibilities

Building Self-Worth

What would you find the courage to do if you knew you were worthy?
What would you dare to dream if your self-worth wasn’t at stake?
What would you stop doing if you knew you were already worthy?
What characteristics do you like about yourself? What do others compliment you on?
What if you could feel God’s (the Universe’s) love for you right now? What would/does it feel like?
What would God (the Universe) tell you about how much you mean to him/it and the world?

Meditation